How to skip a Meeting

The very word Meeting makes me yawn and reminds me about most boring lectures I had in college. Meetings are most times are meant to waste time than improve your work. I am saying this partly after reading Dilbert comic and partly by attending meetings. I am sure most of you will agree with this. So I have come up with some strategic ideas to avoid such boring meetings.

Let us define meetings first. Wiki says meeting is some sort of boring formal gathering. Traditional meetings where people used to meet in same location and yap about the work which they plan to do but actually never do it. New or modern meetings are virtual in nature, in which you never know whether the participant is sitting in rest-room or on camel or next to you. Modern meetings have become very popular for majorly cos' of the shitty recession and cos' even chinese and madrasi's have learnt to speak English.

Meetings, most times, are boring part of the day. To be frank, I am writing this blog after attending one such meeting. The following bulleted points are some ways to skip a meeting. Follow at your own risk ;)

  • If it is some sort of 'All hands meet' or division wide meet, you can easily skip the meeting by simply walking down to cafeteria before 5mins of call. There are many mumbo-jumbos who will attend this call. So you not being there will go unnoticed. Hence skip !
  • This is a derived idea. If you and any of your teammate are unwillingly sitting in a meeting, ask your colleague to call on your phone and you move out of the room. Next, to save your teammate from boring madrasi's and chinese in the meeting, give him a ghost call and get him out too.
  • If you are one among the enlightened souls who has a smartphone, then try out the apps like 'Fake-a-call'[BlackBerry, Android]. Add a timed call and make sure your phone is in Loud profile mode. Once the phone rings, act as if its an emergency call and run out of the meeting room.
  • If your organization is in multiple geographies, then there are lot chances of you getting stuck with chinki or racist or negro in a meeting. This gives good chance to avoid meeting. Simply send an email stating your phone is dead, or you are not well or say its holiday in your country today. This does work !
  • In case its an status meeting called on by your manager and you are running behind the schedule. In order to avoid the embarrassment in front of all members, simply keep hands on your stomach and run towards rest room. Note: Do not keep hands little up or down, else you may land up in emergency ward.
  • Virtual/online meetings are easiest to skip. Most times, there is just one speaker/presenter, assuming you are not that. Dial in to the audio bridge & mute it and when you login to the meetings web-page make sure you enter your name in caps. No one will ever know if you are watching nsfw section in Reddit or Facebooking.

I hope this helps to our professional crowd. Any more ideas are welcome.

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